What is attachment? Attachment is anything that keeps us bound to a person, place, animal, object or experience. As the name suggests, attachments are sticky things: they attach us or keep us stuck on a concept, whether real or imagined. They are like chains around our necks and minds. They can strangle and prevent growth. That said, the fewer attachments you have, the better.
Attachments are so powerful because of their sentimental value. They are equivalent to toting heavy luggage around. When you free yourself of attachments, you can travel lighter and often progress faster. Strong feelings go with attachments. Attachments prevent us from thinking clearly. It is only when we see things from a detached, objective perspective that we can reason and make rational decisions.
Sometimes we have no choice but to stick with our attachment, especially if it is someone who depends on us. This is why single/ childless people have more freedoms. Children equal attachment and attachment equals commitment. This is why I always say, don’t have children if you have problems with commitment. Children are not toys and the responsibility of caring for them must be taken very very seriously. If you think having a pet will prepare you for having kids, think again. There is no comparison. Children, especially biological, are literally a piece of you that has replicated itself and will hopefully continue after you die. God forbid that they die before you, then you will really feel the full force of what attachment can do to a person. Attachment unchecked devastates and can even destroy. It’s a funny thing when you think that all attachments originally started off meaning nothing to you. Yes, before you became attached, there was a point in time when that object/ concept/idea meant nothing to you. Think about it. It became an attachment only when you invested emotionally in it. But is it advisable or even wise never to invest ourselves emotionally?
Well emotional investment may not be advisable, but it is inescapable. As humans, we think, we feel and we attach ourselves to whatever tickles our fancy. So we journey through life riddled with attachments. They’re like the suckers of a lamprey, no nice way to put it, and they can drain you of life and energy. Possessions, relationships, memories are all examples of attachments that can keep us from progress.
But some attachments are benign and can be mutually beneficial, but for a limited time only. In fact, one day, all attachments must come to an end. Now, I’d like to focus on one particularly strong attachment in most people’s lives: children.
Contrary to what people might think, babies do not bond immediately with their parents and vice versa. Attachment is something that is learned over time. In the beginning, the baby is essentially a stranger to you and you to him/her. As the days go by and you share more experiences together, then that bond deepens and you start to feel a vested interest in your new creation. You begin to stake a claim, there’s a sense of ownership in the sense that “this is my child/ this child belongs to me”. This bonding naturally creates a fierce protective instinct in the parent which is necessary to ensure the child’s survival and which may take anywhere from a few days to a few weeks, not usually surpassing a month. In certain cases, this protective instinct does not kick in at all, hence the various stories of child abandonment that surface from time to time. But thankfully, in most cases, parents feel a strong nurturing instinct towards their offspring just as nature intended.
For the child, however, it is different. You are just another person, albeit a person he/she is closer to than most and whom he/she depends on for their very survival. It is only when the child voices “mama/ dada” then he/she has fully internalized and recognised the relationship between you two. When the child starts showing “separation anxiety” by crying if you are not around, then what I call “the illusion of attachment” is complete. You move from being virtual strangers in the beginning to becoming inseparable parts of each other’s lives. Even as children grow up and move on, that psychic bond of attachment is there and breaking such attachment would be a feat of superhuman strength.
Why would you ever want to break such attachment? (Re-read the first two paragraphs). Eventually, we must let go of all attachments if we ever want to break free from mental slavery. When you leave this earth, you cannot take anything or anyone with you, and when someone close to you goes, you must also learn to live without them. This is why you must understand the importance of letting go even in the midst of showing that you care. Detachment does not mean to be cold or callous. It means, “I care, but I also love you enough to give you your freedom and to let go when the time comes.” It takes a lot of practice. But like everything else, it can be done. Be blessed.
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